I was sitting with one of my instructors this past semester and said, “Okay… I understand the textbook ideas, but why does it matter?” She laughed and said, “I appreciate you being real! Why does it matter? Why should you care?” We then had a conversation about prehospital medicine regarding my role in it all even within the topics I don’t see as fun or important.

Have you ever experienced a moment like that? Where you understand the logic of something, but you don’t actually see the importance?

I had similar comments to Jesus this week that I‘ve said to my instructors. I told Jesus, “Hey, I know I said Yes to this trip. I get it, I’m a squad leader, but why does this matter? From a cancelled flight, five doctors visits, two participants leaving early, and me getting COVID, Why does this all matter?”

Jesus replied with, “Yeah, Why does this matter? You understand your role but why does you being here matter?” I’m not asking these questions to validate the challenge as if I have to optimistically prove I was called here. Jesus isn’t a King that has to justify hardships to show He’s good. I ask these questions to help myself recount what He’s done so I can continue to walk in faith.

As I was laying on my sleeping bag, next to my coleader, I understood it. This trip has been hard, painful, and extremely challenging throughout this entire time. However, I look at my coleader and know, “We were built for this. We were called to this.” 

I show up, even when I don’t think it’s fun or important, knowing that God will meet me here. I know, in my head, God is using this space to move. I know, in my head, when I take someone to the doctor, I am caring for them best. When I stand with someone who is grieving, I know in my head, I am being like Christ. When I am willing to go wherever or stay wherever as a leader, I know in my head, I am being obedient.

God does not fall of His Throne when I ask, “Why does this matter? Why should I care?” He often invites the questions, curiosity, and boldness to be real.

I know, in my head, that every moment of this trip matters because God is with me. I also know, the God who gave me the ability to think intellectually with my brain is also the same God that will allow my heart to catch up to truth. 

May I be a person that walks in obedience with the Holy Spirit, boldly approaching Him with my questions and desire to see the importance in it all, but may my head knowledge never keep me from approaching Him with my feelings within the chaos of it all.